When to Depart from a Spouse

As a Christian, I’ve had the unfortunate experience of going through two failed marriages. My first wife left me after we’d been married only a few weeks. She then initiated an adulterous relationship with a close friend of mine before filing for divorce. Soon I had believers giving me conflicting advice. One minister told me if my ex-wife ever wanted to reconcile, I had to take her back. Another man suggested she was never officially my wife because of her being previously divorced.

My second marriage lasted a little longer but still had an acrimonious ending. My new wife became verbally abusive and tried controlling various aspects of our relationship including what we did in the bedroom. Since she wouldn’t agree to counsel, I separated from her but remained open to reconciling. That wasn’t possible since it was basically “her way or no way.” She eventually emailed me claiming to have remarried but never sent divorce papers. I had to file myself to be free from what became an ungodly union.

Christians will differ on if and when to depart from a spouse. One situation that shouldn’t be debatable is when physical abuse happens. God never intended for one marriage partner to be a punching bag for the other. Verbal abuse should also never be tolerated. If your spouse repeatedly insults and threatens you, a separation might be necessary to protect your sanity. God has called us to peace (1 Corinthians 7:15).

The guidelines Jesus gave in dealing with a sinning brother (or sister) in Matthew 18 can apply to the marital relationship…

15 “Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother. 

16 But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.’ 

17 And if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church. But if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector.”

Let me clarify this isn’t an endorsement to immediately separate and get a divorce if your spouse won’t receive correction. Every marital situation is different and requires much prayer. God may instruct you to be patient and extend grace to your mate. I read one testimony of a modern-day Hosea that stood in the gap for his wife who was unfaithful (and even married somebody else for a season) but eventually returned to her husband. On the other hand, a separation can serve as a wake-up call to an unrepentant spouse. 

God desires every marriage He puts together to succeed and glorify Him. However, both parties must be willing to do their part for the relationship to work.

“Can two walk together, unless they are agreed?” - Amos 3:3

Let Our Sisters Speak

As a young Christian, I devoured numerous teaching tapes and books that God used to help me grow in my knowledge of Him and prepare for ministry. One Bible teacher from who I’ve gleaned a lot is Joyce Meyer. Her “Battlefield of the Mind” is one of the most powerful books I ever read. Joyce’s testimony of overcoming abuse and rejection has inspired millions of hurting people. I appreciate her candor and sense of humor (especially her “What About Me?” robot imitation).

It grieves me when I hear fellow Christians criticizing Joyce Meyer. She is often labeled a “prosperity preacher.” Her website clarifies: “A ‘prosperity gospel’ that solely equates blessing with financial gain is out of balance and could damage a person’s walk with God.”

Another reason Joyce receives flak from religious folk is simply being a woman behind the pulpit. Yet the Bible has numerous examples of women ministering to God’s people. These five prophetesses are mentioned by name:

• Miriam (Exodus 15:20)
• Deborah (Judges 4:4)
• Huldah (2 Kings 22:14, 2 Chronicles 34:22)
• Noadiah (Nehemiah 6:14)
• Anna (Luke 2:36)

Joel 2:28 says, “And it shall come to pass afterward that I will pour out My Spirit on all flesh; Your sons and your daughters shall prophesy.” That came to pass in Acts 2 on the Day of Pentecost. Women were amongst the 120 in the upper room.

Romans 16 refers to women in ministry. The Apostle Paul wrote in verses 1 and 2, “I commend to you Phoebe our sister, who is a servant of the church in Cenchrea, that you may receive her in the Lord in a manner worthy of the saints, and assist her in whatever business she has need of you; for indeed she has been a helper of many and of myself also.” Other female laborers mentioned in this chapter are Priscilla, Mary, Tryphena, Tryphosa, and Persis.

So how does one reconcile Scriptures that supposedly tell women to remain silent in our churches? There’s a simple explanation. 1 Corinthians 14:34-35 and 1 Timothy 2:11-12 deals with church order amongst married couples. The Greek word for women is gynē, which has also been translated as “wives.” Not every woman has a husband. Likewise, the Greek New Testament used the same word aner for “man” and “husband.” In his book “The Woman Question”, Kenneth E. Hagin pointed out, “You must determine from the context whether it is talking about women in general, or specifically about wives…He [Paul] is talking about learning something and asking questions.”

Throughout church history, God has done powerful things through women such as Maria Woodworth-Etter, Aimee Semple McPherson, and Kathryn Kuhlman. Kathryn believed her ministry was originally offered to a couple of men who didn't respond to the call. Current Mozambique missionary Heidi Baker has seen food multiplied and the dead raised! Jesus said in Matthew 7:20, “…by their fruits you will know them.”

It’s obvious God has His stamp of approval on female ministers. If He can talk through a donkey, why not a woman? The Great Commission wasn’t given solely to men. Let our sisters speak!

“There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus.” - Galatians 3:28

Your Family Can Be Saved

As a minister of the gospel I often receive prayer requests. Many of them are for lost loved ones. This article is to encourage those of you standing for a family member’s salvation.

It was my sister and her husband who led me to Christ. A personal crisis made me recognize my need for Him. On March 19, 1991 I drove to Fargo, North Dakota (the city where I was born) to talk with Greg and Tanya. After three hours of clearing up many misunderstandings I had about Christianity, my brother-in-law invited me to pray with him. I asked Jesus to come into my heart and felt the power of God flow throughout my body. Later I learned Greg and Tanya prayed for years I would recognize my need for Jesus and wanted to play a part of my salvation.

By July 1994 I had become a committed soul-winner and went back to the Fargo area specifically to witness to family members. Quite a few of them already knew the Lord. One morning I stopped to see my Aunt Gaye. She didn’t have a phone and so my arrival totally surprised her. I found out my Aunt Gail (Gaye’s twin sister) was also coming over. Shortly after Gail arrived, I discovered she wasn’t sure of her eternal destiny. Gaye had tears of joy after hearing her sister pray with me to receive salvation.

Later that year, I returned to Fargo to spend the holidays with my family. On Christmas Eve I went to my Grandma Tweiten’s house. One tradition we had there was Gaye singing “Happy Birthday” to Jesus before we opened presents. The Lord put it on my heart to talk to Gaye’s six-year-old son Zachary. First I asked Gaye if it was okay for me to witness to Zach. Then I ministered to my cousin who received the best Christmas gift of all...salvation through Jesus Christ! 

On Independence Day 1996, I went up to Fargo again. Grandma Post’s birthday was on the Fourth of July and so we had a family get together that day. Although my grandparents had been longtime members of a Methodist church, I wanted to make sure they were in right standing with the Lord. Just before I left town the next day, I stopped to see Grandpa again and asked if he was going to heaven. His response was “I hope so.” So I gave him a tract and led him in the prayer of salvation. Later I witnessed to Grandma Post and found out she was already born again.

In November 1996, I went to the Rochester, New York area to spend Thanksgiving with distant relatives, most of whom I never met or hadn’t seen in years. After we ate dinner, many of them gathered around me to hear a tape of Christian songs I produced about end time prophecy. Then I asked, “How many of you are not sure you would be in heaven if you died right now?” Eight people raised their hands. So I shared the Good News with them and all eight got born again! 

Remember the end of the world was supposed to occur on December 21, 2012? That day I stopped to see my mother who was in a nursing home recovering from a stroke. For over 20 years I interceded for Mom’s salvation. After talking with her for a while, Mom let me lay hands on her to receive healing. Then I asked if I could also lead her in a prayer to receive Jesus Christ as her Lord and Savior. She agreed and now I know for sure she is heaven-bound! 

One of the devil’s greatest lies is “your relatives are the hardest to witness to.” Many of them might come into the kingdom if you simply open your mouth and share the Good News. Romans 10:14 says, “And how shall they believe in Him of whom they have not heard? And how shall they hear without a preacher?”

If you already shared the gospel with relatives but they rejected it, don’t give up on them. Bind the enemy from blinding their minds (2 Corinthians 4:3-4) so they receive the message of God’s love with clarity. Then keep praying for laborers to cross their paths. God knows who they will listen to.

You have the promise of your family.

“Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and you will be saved, you and your household.” - Acts 16:31

Marriage and Ministry

A few days ago I talked with two ministers going through marital issues. One of them had been married for almost twenty years. His wife (a worship leader) recently divorced him because she felt he wasn’t providing for her. Although I respect this minister accepting responsibility for the marital failure, I thought he was being too hard on himself. For one thing, there was infidelity on his wife’s part. Nevertheless, this man had taken on a secular job but knows he is supposed to be in full-time ministry. I reminded him of Romans 11:29, “For the gifts and the calling of God are irrevocable.”

I went through a similar situation fourteen years ago. One morning after we had been married for only a couple of weeks, my then-wife insisted on us finding “stupid jobs” because we ran out of money. I reminded her we agreed to work for God and trust Him to meet our needs. Later that day I was offered a job at the Christian campground we were staying at. Unfortunately my wife stirred up additional conflicts and soon left me. Wanting to save my marriage, I resumed telemarketing work and also found an apartment in a town my wife said she wanted to live. That wasn’t enough to convince her to reconcile. She initiated an adulterous relationship with a former friend of mine (who didn’t have a job himself) and a few weeks later filed for divorce. The Lord told me to “let her go” and I returned to the mission field.

The other minister I talked to has been married now for almost two years. During that time he and his wife have gone through numerous separations including the time I met with him. Many of their conflicts have been over money. The wife had been the main breadwinner in their marriage. She earned a sizable income in the medical field while the minister received a fraction of that amount through donations. 

It’s true men have the responsibility to see their family’s needs are met (1 Timothy 5:8). Still, if a woman chooses to marry a minister, she should be ready to accept the unique challenges that will come especially if her spouse travels a lot. I heard Rodney Howard-Browne’s wife Adonica point out they didn’t have their own home during the first fourteen years of their marriage. God provided places to stay for them and their three kids while conducting revival meetings in various cities. Answering the call to ministry comes with a price that is not always easy or convenient.  

Extra material possessions are nice to have but won’t guarantee a successful marriage. If a minister’s wife happens to earn more money than her spouse, she should never use that against him. Every man of God who is (or wants to be) married needs a helpmate who will faithfully encourage him to fulfill his calling.

“So Jesus answered and said, ‘Assuredly, I say to you, there is no one who has left house or brothers or sisters or father or mother or wife or children or lands, for My sake and the gospel’s, who shall not receive a hundredfold now in this time—houses and brothers and sisters and mothers and children and lands, with persecutions—and in the age to come, eternal life.’” - Mark 10:29-30

Licensed to Marry

Recently I came close to getting hitched. For personal reasons, my then-fiancée and I talked about having a minister oversee a private exchange of wedding vows and later get the marriage license. Fortunately we didn’t follow through on that idea. Unresolved issues eventually surfaced that prompted me to cancel our marriage plans. Two cannot walk together unless they are agreed (Amos 3:3).

Years ago I knew a man who secretly exchanged vows with a woman and moved in with her but had a public wedding ceremony a few weeks later. Although that marriage lasted, similar unions haven’t. I knew a woman that “married” a man who quickly withdrew his affection after their exchange of vows. That relationship fell apart without them ever getting a marriage license.

Until the 16^th Century, Christian churches accepted the validity of a marriage based on the couple’s declarations. Nowadays, a person’s word isn’t valued as much anymore. That’s why contracts are often necessary for certain agreements to be legal. People who believe a marriage license or certificate is “just a piece of paper” are not only shortchanging themselves but their partner as well.

Christians should be willing to obey the laws of the land as long as they don’t go against the Bible. Romans 13:1 says, “Let every soul be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and the authorities that exist are appointed by God.” 1 Peter 2:13-14 says, “Therefore submit yourselves to every ordinance of man for the Lord’s sake, whether to the king as supreme, or to governors, as to those who are sent by him for the punishment of evildoers and for the praise of those who do good.”

Of course, we are to resist man’s laws when they directly go against the higher laws of God. Acts 5:29 says, “We ought to obey God rather than men.” But obtaining a marriage license doesn’t violate Scripture. Nor does it cause one to be “in bed with the state” as a few fringe ministers teach. Couples marrying without a license where they can readily obtain one are really committing fornication and open themselves up for judgment (Hebrews 13:4) unless they repent. God wants His people to have marriages recognized by man as well as by Him.

“Remind your people to submit to the government and its officers. They should be obedient, always ready to do what is good.”  - Titus 3:1 (NLT)