When to Depart from a Spouse

As a Christian, I’ve had the unfortunate experience of going through two failed marriages. My first wife left me after we’d been married only a few weeks. She then initiated an adulterous relationship with a close friend of mine before filing for divorce. Soon I had believers giving me conflicting advice. One minister told me if my ex-wife ever wanted to reconcile, I had to take her back. Another man suggested she was never officially my wife because of her being previously divorced.

My second marriage lasted a little longer but still had an acrimonious ending. My new wife became verbally abusive and tried controlling various aspects of our relationship including what we did in the bedroom. Since she wouldn’t agree to counsel, I separated from her but remained open to reconciling. That wasn’t possible since it was basically “her way or no way.” She eventually emailed me claiming to have remarried but never sent divorce papers. I had to file myself to be free from what became an ungodly union.

Christians will differ on if and when to depart from a spouse. One situation that shouldn’t be debatable is when physical abuse happens. God never intended for one marriage partner to be a punching bag for the other. Verbal abuse should also never be tolerated. If your spouse repeatedly insults and threatens you, a separation might be necessary to protect your sanity. God has called us to peace (1 Corinthians 7:15).

The guidelines Jesus gave in dealing with a sinning brother (or sister) in Matthew 18 can apply to the marital relationship…

15 “Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother. 

16 But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.’ 

17 And if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church. But if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector.”

Let me clarify this isn’t an endorsement to immediately separate and get a divorce if your spouse won’t receive correction. Every marital situation is different and requires much prayer. God may instruct you to be patient and extend grace to your mate. I read one testimony of a modern-day Hosea that stood in the gap for his wife who was unfaithful (and even married somebody else for a season) but eventually returned to her husband. On the other hand, a separation can serve as a wake-up call to an unrepentant spouse. 

God desires every marriage He puts together to succeed and glorify Him. However, both parties must be willing to do their part for the relationship to work.

“Can two walk together, unless they are agreed?” - Amos 3:3

Your Family Can Be Saved

As a minister of the gospel I often receive prayer requests. Many of them are for lost loved ones. This article is to encourage those of you standing for a family member’s salvation.

It was my sister and her husband who led me to Christ. A personal crisis made me recognize my need for Him. On March 19, 1991 I drove to Fargo, North Dakota (the city where I was born) to talk with Greg and Tanya. After three hours of clearing up many misunderstandings I had about Christianity, my brother-in-law invited me to pray with him. I asked Jesus to come into my heart and felt the power of God flow throughout my body. Later I learned Greg and Tanya prayed for years I would recognize my need for Jesus and wanted to play a part of my salvation.

By July 1994 I had become a committed soul-winner and went back to the Fargo area specifically to witness to family members. Quite a few of them already knew the Lord. One morning I stopped to see my Aunt Gaye. She didn’t have a phone and so my arrival totally surprised her. I found out my Aunt Gail (Gaye’s twin sister) was also coming over. Shortly after Gail arrived, I discovered she wasn’t sure of her eternal destiny. Gaye had tears of joy after hearing her sister pray with me to receive salvation.

Later that year, I returned to Fargo to spend the holidays with my family. On Christmas Eve I went to my Grandma Tweiten’s house. One tradition we had there was Gaye singing “Happy Birthday” to Jesus before we opened presents. The Lord put it on my heart to talk to Gaye’s six-year-old son Zachary. First I asked Gaye if it was okay for me to witness to Zach. Then I ministered to my cousin who received the best Christmas gift of all...salvation through Jesus Christ! 

On Independence Day 1996, I went up to Fargo again. Grandma Post’s birthday was on the Fourth of July and so we had a family get together that day. Although my grandparents had been longtime members of a Methodist church, I wanted to make sure they were in right standing with the Lord. Just before I left town the next day, I stopped to see Grandpa again and asked if he was going to heaven. His response was “I hope so.” So I gave him a tract and led him in the prayer of salvation. Later I witnessed to Grandma Post and found out she was already born again.

In November 1996, I went to the Rochester, New York area to spend Thanksgiving with distant relatives, most of whom I never met or hadn’t seen in years. After we ate dinner, many of them gathered around me to hear a tape of Christian songs I produced about end time prophecy. Then I asked, “How many of you are not sure you would be in heaven if you died right now?” Eight people raised their hands. So I shared the Good News with them and all eight got born again! 

Remember the end of the world was supposed to occur on December 21, 2012? That day I stopped to see my mother who was in a nursing home recovering from a stroke. For over 20 years I interceded for Mom’s salvation. After talking with her for a while, Mom let me lay hands on her to receive healing. Then I asked if I could also lead her in a prayer to receive Jesus Christ as her Lord and Savior. She agreed and now I know for sure she is heaven-bound! 

One of the devil’s greatest lies is “your relatives are the hardest to witness to.” Many of them might come into the kingdom if you simply open your mouth and share the Good News. Romans 10:14 says, “And how shall they believe in Him of whom they have not heard? And how shall they hear without a preacher?”

If you already shared the gospel with relatives but they rejected it, don’t give up on them. Bind the enemy from blinding their minds (2 Corinthians 4:3-4) so they receive the message of God’s love with clarity. Then keep praying for laborers to cross their paths. God knows who they will listen to.

You have the promise of your family.

“Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and you will be saved, you and your household.” - Acts 16:31

What Would Jesus Bake?

There are increasing news reports of homosexuals walking into Christian-owned businesses and threatening legal action if refused service. One pizzeria in Indiana was set up by a local TV station but that ploy backfired. The owners temporarily closed their doors after receiving all kinds of threats for announcing they wouldn’t cater food at a same-sex wedding. Someone launched a GoFundMe page for this pizzeria to help offset lost income resulting from this fiasco. In just a few days, almost 30,000 people donated over $840,000!

One of my Facebook friends recently posted a photo suggesting Christian bakers make TWO wedding cakes when approached by gay couples because Jesus told us to “go the extra mile.” I believe this is a misapplication of God’s word. Christians are not to affirm sexual immorality but flee from it (1 Corinthians 6:18). Years ago I worked as a disc jockey at a variety of places including wedding receptions. If I was still doing that today and someone asked me to provide music for a same-sex wedding, I would decline just like I wouldn’t DJ in strip clubs. 1 Thessalonians 5:22 (KJV) commands, “Abstain from all appearance of evil.”

Nevertheless, a woman who exchanged emails with me through our mutual Facebook friend kept insisting Jesus would bake a cake for a gay couple. It’s ludicrous how this woman claims to know what the Lord would do considering she admits to being “lost.” Besides that, Jesus was a carpenter...not a baker. If someone had asked Him to make a wooden idol, He would violate His own word by doing so. The first two commandments in Exodus 20 tells us not to have any other gods nor make carved images of them.

It’s possible Jesus would attend a same-sex wedding but to minister truth and not condone the ungodly union. Just like the woman caught in adultery, He would likely tell those who repent, “Go and sin no more.”

“And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather expose them.” - Ephesians 5:11