Licensed to Marry

Recently I came close to getting hitched. For personal reasons, my then-fiancée and I talked about having a minister oversee a private exchange of wedding vows and later get the marriage license. Fortunately we didn’t follow through on that idea. Unresolved issues eventually surfaced that prompted me to cancel our marriage plans. Two cannot walk together unless they are agreed (Amos 3:3).

Years ago I knew a man who secretly exchanged vows with a woman and moved in with her but had a public wedding ceremony a few weeks later. Although that marriage lasted, similar unions haven’t. I knew a woman that “married” a man who quickly withdrew his affection after their exchange of vows. That relationship fell apart without them ever getting a marriage license.

Until the 16^th Century, Christian churches accepted the validity of a marriage based on the couple’s declarations. Nowadays, a person’s word isn’t valued as much anymore. That’s why contracts are often necessary for certain agreements to be legal. People who believe a marriage license or certificate is “just a piece of paper” are not only shortchanging themselves but their partner as well.

Christians should be willing to obey the laws of the land as long as they don’t go against the Bible. Romans 13:1 says, “Let every soul be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and the authorities that exist are appointed by God.” 1 Peter 2:13-14 says, “Therefore submit yourselves to every ordinance of man for the Lord’s sake, whether to the king as supreme, or to governors, as to those who are sent by him for the punishment of evildoers and for the praise of those who do good.”

Of course, we are to resist man’s laws when they directly go against the higher laws of God. Acts 5:29 says, “We ought to obey God rather than men.” But obtaining a marriage license doesn’t violate Scripture. Nor does it cause one to be “in bed with the state” as a few fringe ministers teach. Couples marrying without a license where they can readily obtain one are really committing fornication and open themselves up for judgment (Hebrews 13:4) unless they repent. God wants His people to have marriages recognized by man as well as by Him.

“Remind your people to submit to the government and its officers. They should be obedient, always ready to do what is good.”  - Titus 3:1 (NLT)

A Vow to Cherish

Christian television can be beneficial to one’s spiritual growth in addition to attending regular church services. Nevertheless, one shouldn’t blindly accept everything said by any preacher. We must be like the Bereans who “…searched the Scriptures daily to find out whether these things were so.” (Acts 17:11)

Recently one well-known minister was asked on TV for his counsel regarding a man whose wife suffered from Alzheimer’s disease. Because the wife didn’t recognize her husband anymore, this man started seeing another woman. The minister replied by saying, “I know it sounds cruel, but if he’s going to do something, he should divorce her and start all over again, but make sure she has custodial care and somebody looking after her.”

The minister’s co-host reminded him that marriage vows include taking care of each other “for better or for worse” (the marriage vow also specifically mentions “in sickness and in health”). His immediate response to that was, “If you respect that vow, you say ‘til death do us part...This [Alzheimer’s] is a kind of death.” He went on to talk about a man he knew whose wife also had Alzheimer’s but still saw her every day until she died. In addition, the TV minister encouraged the viewer to “…get some ethicist besides me to give you the answer because I recognize the dilemma.”

While I honor this minister as a man of God, I must take exception to his initial advice. It’s one thing to divorce a spouse who is unfaithful and not willing to make the marriage work. But it’s another thing if your spouse becomes incapacitated. Jesus said in Luke 6:31, “And just as you want men to do to you, you also do to them likewise.” If you were married and suddenly became bedridden, wouldn’t you want your spouse by your side?

This reminds me of the Terri Schiavo case in Florida a few years ago. In 1990, Terri collapsed due to cardiac arrest and was in a near vegetative state for 15 years. Terri’s husband Michael repeatedly petitioned the courts to have his wife’s feeding tube removed against her parents’ wishes. In the meantime, Michael Schiavo moved in with another woman and fathered two children out of wedlock before Terri died in 2005. Although one might sympathize with Michael’s desire to have normal marital relations again, he still committed adultery.

I also recall Billy Graham’s film ministry releasing a movie in 1999 called “A Vow to Cherish.” Ken Howard played the part of a business executive caring for his wife (portrayed by Barbara Babcock) whose memory was failing due to Alzheimer's. While I personally found the movie depressing, I liked that it showed a husband willing to remain faithful to his wife despite his brother and a new female friend suggesting he “move on” with his life.

God is bigger than any disease and can bring healing to anyone including the elderly and those with Alzheimer’s. As long as a sick spouse is breathing, there is still hope for recovery.

“Moses was one hundred and twenty years old when he died. His eyes were not dim nor his natural vigor diminished.” - Deuteronomy 34:7