While riding a bus in Tampa, Florida a few weeks ago, I briefly browsed through a newspaper someone left behind. One particular article by a New York-based freelance writer named Jill Filipovic grabbed my attention. I was inspired to search for her Facebook profile and email her this reply…
Dear Jill,
This is in response to your article “The Moral Case for Sex Before Marriage.” I first read an edited portion of it in a Tampa newspaper. Later I went online and found the full version on your blog.
I used to frequently have sex outside of marriage. Had I read your article when I was in my early twenties (I’m 48 now), I would have agreed with most of what you wrote. But after having been infected with venereal disease twice and being forced to pay child support for a daughter I never raised, I see things differently now. While I agree there are benefits of having a healthy sex life, I must take issue with many of your claims...
“There's a booming ‘purity industry’…”
I’m sure the “purity industry” generates a tiny fraction of revenue compared to the pornography industry. There are sex shops in practically every city in America. When was the last time you saw a “purity shop”?
“Sex before marriage is the best choice for nearly everyone because everyone has sex before marriage.”
Probably everyone who drives a car has broken the speed limit (regardless if they got caught). Does that mean speeding is right for nearly everyone?
“People who marry early and/or hold traditional views on marriage and gender tend to have higher divorce rates and unhappier marriages.”
How many couples have you actually talked to who had lengthy monogamous marriages? I believe most of them would tell you otherwise.
“Marriage is not, and has never been, a way to protect against the harmful, bad and dangerous potential of sex (just read the Bible if you want a few examples).”
As a Christian minister, I could quote several Scriptures revealing the dangerous results of not following God’s laws especially regarding sex.
“And when government money is going toward telling people to just wait until marriage, we are literally funding an idea that has never worked in all of human history…”
How about some clear statistics to back up your claims? FYI, the Heritage Foundation has determined our government spends $12 on “safe sex” and contraceptives for every $1 spent on promoting abstinence.
“Our cultural view of premarital sex as morally tainted makes it harder for couples to engage in real talks about their sexual needs and desires before marrying.”
A couple serious about having a successful marriage will pursue premarital counseling and cover various issues including what they will do in the bedroom.
“Making that choice [sex outside marriage] isn't a moral failing.”
On the contrary, Hebrews 13:4 says, “Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.” Fortunately, forgiveness is available to everyone who repents of his or her sins and makes Jesus Christ their Lord and Savior.
If you don’t agree with what I wrote, then take it up with God. Either way, we will all stand before Him one day to give an account of our lives.
(end of letter)
Jill never responded to my email. I pray that she read it and it planted a seed in her heart.
“Thus saith the Lord, Learn not the way of the heathen, and be not dismayed at the signs of heaven; for the heathen are dismayed at them. For the customs of the people are vain...” - Jeremiah 10:2-3 (KJV)
